I should probably put some kind of permanent button on the site somewhere, instead of linking to MY SUPER AMAZING PODCAST WOW from the text, here.

Tonight, I fought a squirrel.

The wife and I heard a crashing, banging noise coming from the kitchen. I hopped up and ran in to investigate, only to find that a squirrel had chewed its way through our screen window and was trapped inbetween the mesh and the glass window. The window was open, maybe five inches, and the squirrel was flipping its shit trying to get in—kicking over potted plants and flailing around.

Here is the completely accurate account of how the encounter sounded to my wife from the other room:

Ahh! Holy shit!
(crash, bang)
You bastard! Noo!
(scuffle scuffle, crash)
No you don’t!
(brief silence)
Erin, get in here! Get your camera!
(scuffle, loud crash)
You bastard!